The Westeros Independent School District
by SomethingIsWrongWithMe
Summary: What would happen if all the characters in Game of Thrones studied or worked in a high school? I don't know but probably not this. Complete parody. T for language and light sexual situations.


What would happen if all the characters in Game of Thrones studied or worked in a high school? I don't know but probably not this.

The Westeros Independent School District was falling apart. They had no money and Superintendent Robert Baratheon was at his wits end. He should not have spent all that money raised by the PTA for blow and hookers. The Stormborn Academy for Youth got all the donations and government support that Westeros ISD did not. This made Superintendent Baratheon very upset. Why should they have nice things? So Superintendent Baratheon did what any sensible man would do in that situation and burned the Stormborn Academy to the ground. The community was too cheap to re build a new school so everyone just got behind Superintendent Baratheon's school instead. This outraged the wealthy Targaryen family, because they did not want their precious children mingling with the poor residents of Westeros. So they send their children Danerys and Viserys out of district to Braavos. They had an older brother, but he was grading papers when the Academy burned down and died tragically. Not long after burning down the Academy, Superintendent Baratheon married the wealthy oil tycoon Tywin Lannister's daughter. Ironically, the gas Superintendent Baratheon used to ignite the Academy in flames came from Lannister's company. Tywin's daughter, Cersei, resented being married to a Superintendent. She was initially attracted to him because he was a pyromaniac thus dangerous, and all chicks love a bit of danger, but on their honeymoon he shouted "Burn baby burn!" Instead of her name so she got pretty pissed off. Superintendent Baratheon had affairs with multiple women and Cersei slept with her brother which was pretty gross. Things were going good for the Westeros ISD until the principle of the high school passed away un-expectedly. Jon Arryn was hit by a car in the parking lot of the school. It was a hit and run but witnesses reported a truck with a license plate that read "Lionz1." Police are still looking into it. Faced with having to find a new principle, Superintendent Baratheon ignores advice from everyone and decides to offer the job to his old pal from college. That is where the story begins.

"So are you going to take this job or not?" Robert asked lifting up his beard just so he could scratch the double chin beneath it. He was seated in the Stark home waiting for the response from Ned.

"I am not sure if I should, my wife is very troubled by what happened to Jon Arryn. Have the police found out anything about that?" Ned asked expertly dodging the question for now.

Robert waved his hand and scoffed. "The guy was on his way out anyway. Between you and me, if I was married to that old broad of his I'd _jump_ in front of the first truck I saw!" With that he let out a bellowing laugh. Ned tried unsuccessfully to shush him and Catelyn Stark came round the corner and into the living room.

"Just what is going on in here? This is not a frat house I got like five kids upstairs trying to sleep." She whispered angrily. Actually there were six children upstairs in bed but Catelyn pretended Jon did not exist because she was a terrible person.

"Sorry Cat." Robert immediately shut up and Ned just looked down at his feet. His sock had a hole and his big toe was sticking out. How embarrassing. There was a long and awkward silence until Catelyn disappeared back into the kitchen. Only then did Robert scoot up onto the very edge of the couch. "Ned, c'mon be a pal and take this job. You can start tomorrow and think of all the benefits!"

Ned frowned heavily. "What benefits?"

Now Robert frowned. "Okay well we can talk about benefits later, do you want the job or not? If you don't take it I am going to have to give it to that fool Petyr Baelish and you know how much of a buzzkill that guy is."

"Baelish is a right prick." Ned Stark rubbed his chin as he thought about how funny it would be to beat Petyr at yet another thing. "Alright fine I will do it." He caved in hard. Robert beamed happily and they shook hands to seal the deal.

That morning was very awkward around the dinner table. Jon and Robb were aloof but Sansa was near tears. "My dad just _can't_ be the principle. Do you know how _embarrassing_ that is? Oh my God I want to just _die._" She buried her head in her perfectly folded arms.

"I think it'll be cool having dad at school." Arya piped in and flung a spoonful of oatmeal across the table. It landed on her sister's head with a loud plop. The boys erupted in laughter and Sansa screamed bloody murder. While Sansa chased Arya around the table in circles, Ned Stark rubbed his temples wondering what on earth possessed him to take this job.

Later Catelyn dropped off her children in front of the school and handed them each a bagged lunch. Well, each of them except Jon. That was why he was so skinny all the time. Anyway the Starks being in different grades all went to their respected classrooms. Rickon was not old enough for school but the district had set up a day care center in the school so he just went there.

Sansa's first class was home economics taught by Mr. Renly Baratheon. She knew it was a total stereotype but she was sure Mr. Renly was gay. He was the younger brother of the superindentent and was always making cute little aprons made out of rainbow patterns. The wrestling team's coach Loras Tyrell always was stopping by too and Sansa noted how they looked at her. The same way she looked at Joffery Baratheon, he was such a dreamboat.

"Go talk to him." Jeyne, Sansa's closest friend pressured her. Joffery sat in the back of the room because he was too cool for this womanly stuff but the truth was he was too afraid of the saws used in the woodworking class so he had to get his credit elsewhere. Sansa blushed every time she looked back.

"Okay. I am going to do it this time. For real." Sansa took a deep breath and stood up. As she walked towards the back of the room she felt the fear grow. What if she said something stupid? She reached his desk and he looked up at her with a sneering gaze. Just as she began to open her mouth in greeting the bell rang loudly.

Joffery scoffed loudly and flipped his blonde locks. "Later losers. I'll be under the bleachers smoking with the gang." Joffery had fallen into a bad crowd. They were mostly a group of older men who hung out on their motorcycles near the football field. Why this was allowed no one knew and why no one questioned the fact that Joffery's only friends were 20 years his senior was a mystery.

Sansa sighed as she watched the love of her life walk away. "Don't worry." Jeyne assured her. "Maybe tomorrow it will happen."

Meanwhile, Arya who was not such a pussy was taking woodworking and she was pretty badass at it. They had a substitute teacher that day, his name was Gendry Waters. He was a pretty chill guy Arya thought and really knew his way around a block of wood. All the girls thought he was a total hottie. Arya thought he reminded her of her dad's friend and the superintendent so she asked him. "Who is your dad?" Like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"I don't know, my mom died giving birth to me and everyone told me she was a hooker. At first I thought they were just cracking yo mama jokes y'know? But it turns out they were right." Gendry shook his head and went back to sanding down a two by four.

Arya had many questions, like why was he sanding down a two by four when they were supposed to be making birdhouses? Those questions would have to wait until later when they were alone.

On the other side of school Bran was outside collecting leaves for his biology project. He was near the parking lot when he saw a truck rocking back and forth. The windows were all fogged up. "That is odd." Bran thought aloud as he walked nearer. Maybe if Ned and Catelyn bothered to teach their children the golden rule of: "If the car is a rockin' don't come a knockin'." What happened next might not have happened. Bran peered into the window and got quite a shock the superintendents wife and her brother were wrestling naked. "Ah!" Shouted Bran.

"Ah!" Shouted Ceresi and Jamie back. Then Jaime jumped into the driver's seat and ran over the stunned Bran with his truck. To make sure the kid was really dead he backed up and ran him over a second time. "That'll teach the brat for spying. Oh the things I do for love." Then Jamie and Ceresi went back to doing the horizontal tango while Bran lay dying in the parking lot.

Elsewhere in the school Jon, Robb, and their friend Theon Greyjoy were just sitting into their history class. They were taught by Ms. Margery Tyrell, who like most teachers was a total babe. Today was different because they had an exchange student. Ms. Tyrell tapped a pencil on her podium to get the classes attention.

"Everyone settle down. We have a new student joining us today her name is Danerys and she is from Braavos." Then Ms. Tyrell pointed to a girl in the front row with darker colored skin and crazy blue hair. "Welcome Danerys."

The blue headed girl looked around for a moment then let out a sigh of disbelief. "I'm from White Harbor, bitch!"

"Oh my." Ms. Tyrell's face went suddenly pale. "Well you go to the principal's office right now for using that kind of language young lady." She ordered in a thin attempt to cover up her racism.

"I've only been in class for the past two months. But of racist mother fu-" The blue haired girl grabbed her bag and marched out of the classroom. Only then did Danerys Targaryen raise her hand to be acknowledged.

"So sorry about that, everyone that is Danerys." Ms. Tyrell quickly pointed her out and then immediately dived into the lesson plans. Jon Snow fell in love with Danerys the moment he saw her. His ex-girlfriend Yigritte had died in a skiing accident over the winter break so he was ready for a rebound. Problem is so did Theon Greyjoy.

**Will this break up their friendship? Will Bran survive? Will Sansa get the courage to ask that little shit Joffery to the Sadie Hawkins dance? I don't know I haven't written that far yet.**


End file.
